05 Jan You Were Never Meant To Be Someone’s Option
Having several options in life is undeniably a perk we are blessed with. The option of who our friends are, the option of where we choose to work, and even the option of where we call home. The option of what you do with free time, and the ultimate option of how you decide to live your life. These options are based on the free will that we are given, and are all important aspects of who we are, and the choices we end up making. But what happens when you find yourself as one of the options in someone else’s life? What do you do if you’re constantly just treated as one of many choices? Do you stay and wait it out? Hoping and praying that you’ll eventually be chosen? Or do you turn around and hit the ground running?
If there was one word that sums up my life, it’s striving. Striving for love. Striving for perfection. Striving to just be wanted. I constantly was striving for that perfect relationship. I wanted to find someone to make me happy so incredibly bad, that I was forcing certain people into my life that were never meant to be there. I was struggling to cram pieces of a puzzle together that were never designed to fit and would then end up complaining when I found out my puzzle was a disaster. I clung to guys that were not right for me, all in hopes that one day they might be, if I just waited long enough. I put myself through some dark and rough situation-ships all because I thought I was no one, without someone.
I look back to the relationships I was trying to force in the past few years and in all honesty, it makes me cringe. If only I would have listened to my friends! I am not saying that it’s all the guys fault, it takes two to tango after all. But all I see is a broken and desperate girl who was clinging to the hope that a broken situation-ship will miraculously turn into a blooming romance. The relationships were just two unknowingly broken people struggling with their inabilities to express emotions and it always lead towards a path of destruction. Every single time. After multiple failed attempts at holding on, eventually someone was getting their heart broken. I was on both the receiving and giving end of this heartbreak, and instead of taking time to heal the pain I felt inside, I would slap an emotional band-aid on it, ignore it and move on to the next one. I found that every relationship was getting worse and worse and I was literally putting myself through hell bending over backwards for guys who didn’t honestly care, just so I could call some disaster of a relationship mine. Can you relate?
I wish I could go back in time and tell that poor girl to save herself from all the unnecessary heartbreak by simply taking a step back. I wish she would have learned that being alone is okay. That taking time to figure out her pain, is okay. It’s okay to be broken. It’s okay to be hurt. It’s okay to be an utter and complete mess for a while… But it’s not okay to depend and expect a guy to fix that mess. I wish I could tell her that when she was told that she didn’t need a man to be happy, it was the truth. But I know that being in the grasps of those darks emotions and having blinders on to just how much of a mess you are inside, it’s next to impossible to see the light. It’s hard to understand that you deserve better and that there is be better. That there is a chance for you to change, and you can walk away from toxic people who bring you nothing but pain. But I also know that when you are so lost and so hurt that you can’t see the relationship for what it truly is, it’s an entirely different mess of its own. She never would have listened.
You cling to those fleeting moments of connection because your soul is longing to be whole. You look to someone else to fix your problems because it’s hard to face them yourself. You let other people treat you like garbage and get away with it because it’s easier than being alone. You treat other people just as bad because it’s hard to worry about someone else’s feelings when you can’t even face your own. Oh how I know, I’ve been there. It’s a less than ideal situation to be in, but there is hope! There is always a way to find confidence in a turn around. It’s found in Jesus.
The right man for you will not treat you as an option, he will see you as the only option. True words right there ladies! If he isn’t giving you the time of the day, why are you wasting so much time getting him to pay attention to you? The man that God has chosen for you will not play games, he will not call one day and ignore the next, he will not give you mixed signals, and he will not treat you like you’re just a side piece. The man that God has for you will not have just a few of the qualities you have had placed in your heart and a few that if you try really hard you can make fit. He will be the one who God intended for you, and you will know it will fit. When we give it to God it’s so much easier to just live. To take the time to learn who our creator is and who he has intended us to be, and who he intends for us.
The moment I release finding the perfect person for me into God’s hands was so unimaginably freeing. I stopped worrying about “missing out” on meeting him, or forcing someone who I deep down knew was not the right fit, to be him. I now know that God will take care of that part. Let God be your matchmaker. You can try to force any old joe blow into your mold of mr. right, but at the end of the day you’re only going to cause yourself more heartbreak. I know that no relationship is perfect, and every relationship has it’s ups and downs… but forcing something that was never meant to be is only going to add to your burden. If you wait on the one that God created for you, you’re not going to be disappointed.
I don’t know when dating has gotten so messy, but it’s a war zone out there. You constantly are having to live life on the defense because you never know when the guy you’re falling for is going to duck out, even if things seem to be going fantastic. Honestly, it’s exhausting. It’s time consuming and putting your heart on the line is difficult. As women of God we are taught to guard our hearts (Proverbs 4:23) and this is even more crucial in the dating world that we know today. You honestly may have to watch out for wolves in sheep’s clothing. Just because he says he is a man of God, doesn’t mean he is the guy for you. Create boundaries, stick to your values. Don’t bend. If God has placed characteristics in your heart that you are looking for in a partner than believe he will provide the man that has those qualities. Don’t bend your desires just so you can find any man to marry. Wait and focus on what God is telling you. If the answer is wait, then as hard as it is… wait. You know He knows what’s best.
I finally learned to take a step back and I allowed Jesus completely into my life- including my love life. I started working on becoming the whole person God intended for me searching for another whole person. I’m not a half looking for someone to make me whole, and I don’t depend on anyone else to fix what I can’t. The right person is going to add to who you are, not complete you. The only person who can truly satisfy the parts that are missing in our life is Jesus. If we base our happiness and our striving on material things or people who constantly are coming and going, how can we ever be satisfied? Take your single years to search for God. Take the time to develop the most important relationship you will ever have. It is life and death after all.
Lamentations 3:25 The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.