12 Jan The Gift Of Singleness?
If I may be completely transparent, when God asked me to start viewing this season of singleness as a gift, I thought He was downright crazy. A gift? Isn’t a gift generally something you cherish? This season in my life was certainly not a time I was cherishing. I struggle with times where I feel lonely, I feel looked over, and from time to time I feel incredibly sad. I started to believe the lies that time was passing me by. A gift God? Really? How is this a gift?
Like many other times in my life, I was anxious to skip past this season of being single and was eager to fast forward to the next chapter in my life where I would be blessed with the man God created to be my husband. I was constantly focusing on the exciting moment when we would start out on the journey of life together. I found myself kind of numb to this current season of my life, and honestly, I was simply existing without a multitude of true joy. My heart was aching for this season to be done, so I could find happiness in the next. I was blind to the reality that this season of being single had an important purpose in my life. That Jesus would and could use this season of my life in such a beautiful way.
For the past 6 months or so, I have really felt God call me to simply focus on Him. He was encouraging me to lay aside all my distractions and purely delight in our time together. I started to become aware of how desperately I still needed healing from a string of wrong relationships. He needed me to realign my ideas of how I deserve to be treated. I know this is cliché, but I totally felt the call to allow Jesus to court me. He began to show me the wounds of my heart that were still controlling my views of certain people, and ultimately how I view myself. While Jesus has brought me so far from the broken, aching-hearted girl who came crawling to the cross, He has shown me that in this season, I still have some areas of my life that need His healing touch. He began to speak to me about the beauty of this season. He allowed me to start to see this time as the gift that it truly is. This season was going to be the only time in my life where it could just be us, and that began to intrigue me.
But it wasn’t always this way. When I first invited Christ into my life I knew that Jesus needed me single to heal my broken heart. I know He needed me single to really start to cultivate growth in my life. I know that He needed me single to start to create a deep and meaningful relationship with Him. But after a while, my thoughts started to turn towards what I was missing, not what I had gained. I constantly was battling an internal dialogue that went something like this: “Lord I know you’ve saved me, I know you’ve brought me so far, but c’mon God, I have given my life to you. I think I’ve done enough healing on my own. Why do I have to still be single? Why can’t I continue to learn these lessons with the support of a husband? Why is everyone around me moving ahead and I am still here?” Does this sound familiar? Maybe you have this exact same conversation with Him from time to time. So, let me share with you what He spoke back to me… it’s actually really simple: this time is meant for Him. He presented me with the idea that this season of being single, is a gift. He began to ask me if I knew, that not only was I loved, but that I was cherished? Did I know just how much Jesus longed for the idea to simply just be with me, no distractions?
Have you ever thought about it that way? Have you ever considered the possibility that you’re not looked over, but in turn, truly and deeply cherished? It’s actually so beautiful if you consider that a season of your life can be fully devoted to your Creator. It’s kind of neat to think about it that way, hey? I found that the more I thought of this season as a positive, the less the idea of being single was daunting. What other season in my life was I going to be able to give all my spare time to Jesus? A whole heart completely devoted to the one true God. When God blesses me with a husband, my husband would have needs I would have to sacrifice my time to. When I have kids, they would just add on to the sacrifice I would have to make. The ability to have a whole heart, no distractions, to pursue Jesus is, in turn, truly a spectacular gift. This was a time and a season in my life when God was opening doors to opportunities that may not be possible when I have a family. My free time would be become less and less, and I would have a smaller amount of free time to spend on the tasks he was placing ahead of me.
As I started to ask Jesus more questions, He began to explain. I was his. Only His. He didn’t want to share His time with me. I think so often we get caught up in our wants, and our desires we selfishly forget about His. That all He longs for is us. He wants our undivided attention and love, isn’t that why Jesus was sent to the cross? He wants a relationship with us so intensely, but I continuously let my selfish ambitions get in the way of this amazing opportunity. I was basically saying “no thanks God, Ill take the human companionship over you.” So, while I do think a husband, and children are an amazing gift from God, I also truly believe in my heart now that singleness is a gift. I want to spend time with Jesus, I want to learn about Him. I want to go to new levels in my faith with Him, I want to experience everything that is Him now.
When I stopped trying to rush ahead of God and seek my happiness in the next season, He opened me up to a whole new level of joy. He’s teaching me to delight in this season. To delight in this time when it’s just me and Him, because before I know it, it will be gone. I am tired of looking back at my life and wishing that I would have enjoyed a season more. It was time to live in the moment, carpe diem, if you will. Being single is such a unique time where we can dive head first into the love of our God and our Saviour. I encourage you to immerse yourself in that love.
Full disclosure: I am still guilty of letting my feelings of loneliness and discontent tear me away from the idea that Jesus wants me all to Himself. Like any other journey in life, there are days when I am so in-love with the idea of just Jesus and me. I feel like I am rocking this whole singleness is a gift thing. It doesn’t matter what happens to me, I am secure in the idea of being single. But don’t get me wrong, there are also days where any new engagement that pops up on social media enrages the jealous beast that lives hidden in my heart. But it’s a journey, and I admit that while these negative thoughts come and go, the moments are becoming less and less, and I am becoming more and more content in all that is Him.
Singleness isn’t a curse, I promise you this. As much as some days I do see it as a burden, I am trying to shift my focus back to the positives. Enough people have told me in my life that I need to enjoy these single days, because they were some of the best days of their lives. If enough people tell me this, surely there has to be some merit behind it.
12-year-old me would probably be terrified to know that 28-year-old me would be writing about how singleness is a gift. But I’m learning that that’s exactly what it is. Waiting on God for your future spouse is hard, I get it. Oh, how I get it. Patience is something that God is struggling to grow inside me, let me tell you. But I also know that the time in my life that God decides to unite me with my husband is completely and utterly out of my control. So how do I want to spend this time I have now? Miserable and mopey? Or excited and thankful? I do not think there is anything wrong with getting excited about your future. But when that desire for the future becomes an idol and it takes away from the gifts God has placed in front of you, then that’s when it becomes a problem. I believe God created the desire in our heart to be married for a purpose, so I am now choosing to step out in faith that it will happen, and until then I am going to soak up every moment that I have the opportunity to enjoy this time with Him.